How does the community handle conflicts or disagreements among members?

[Hev]

This question seeks clarification on the processes and mechanisms in place for addressing conflicts or disagreements that may arise between members of the community. Individuals inquire about the community's approach to conflict resolution, including whether there are established procedures, mediators, or channels for resolving disputes in a fair and respectful manner. They may also seek information about the community's stance on promoting open communication, active listening, and constructive dialogue as means of resolving conflicts. Understanding how the community handles conflicts helps prospective members assess the community's commitment to fostering a positive and supportive environment. It also provides assurance that mechanisms are in place to address challenges that may arise, contributing to a sense of trust and accountability within the community.

[Carl Dickson]

We focus on:

• Removing our interpretation of the conflict from the reality of it. Many conflicts arise from conclusions that are not based on objective reality and are instead based on our interpretation of it. Conflicts like these are largely unnecessary and usually unproductive for both parties.
• Being able to learn from people we disagree with and learning how to approach discussions to achieve that goal. When a conflict is based on objective reality, both parties can still learn something from it and walk away having gained something, even if it was not what they expected.
• Managing our expectations to either better achieve them or recognize that they depended on someone else who was not obligated to fulfill them.
• We don't debate to win, we debate to learn. We're not motivated to defeat other ideas, we're motivated to find ideas we can cherish. An idea that does not appeal to us is easily left behind.
• Being very careful with advanced topics like politics, advocacy, and evangelism. In general, the way politics is practiced is dysfunctional. We do not participate in that. Too many people stop thinking and start cheering for their team when politics comes up, so we leave that for advanced classes with participants who have proven they can separate their loyalty from the application of their personal philosophies to governance and learn from people they disagree with. We also avoid advocacy and evangelism because it involves either recruiting or alienating other members of the community. If you are here to persuade, convince, or advocate, you may have come to the wrong place. You can be religious with being an evangelist and discuss important topics without advocating. We’re here to share and not really to encourage or even convince. Much. Within the LearnGrowRepeat community it’s better to not be so concerned about what people think or believe, and instead to focus on the relevance and meaning behind thoughts and beliefs.

But mostly we just try to be the kind of people who can turn lemons into lemonade. We'd rather create and inspire then argue and tear things down.

We have the advantage of being able to choose who we let into our community. And if someone we let in becomes a troll, we may have to exile them. A troll is someone who is preventing others from learning and whose behavior does not support discussion. Our moderators treat conflicts as teaching moments, to get people to focus on how they are speaking instead of what they are saying.

Moderation actions, which can include censorship (even though we find it distasteful) and exile from the community (rare but possible), are never taken alone. Moderators consult with each other on every action taken. Or better yet, on how to avoid taking action. We don't roleplay how to win conflicts. We roleplay how to avoid letting people who can't manage their emotions or who cause conflicts from joining the community. We are hear to teach and don't want to be distracted by discipline, so we seek community members who don't require discipline.